Breastfeeding- It’s only natural?

Before I got pregnant I gave little thought to breast feeding versus formula feeding. I had seen mums feeding their babies by formula or breast and just assumed that each mum had simply chosen which ever they had preferred. Like choosing a name for their baby, except this decision was a bit easier. Little did I know or understand how “breast is best”, and the pressure and guilt that goes with this big decision.

I got pregnant after trying for a baby for 2 years; needless to say we were very excited. Our baby was going to be cared for to the best of our ability. Her health was going to be the main driver behind any decision, from what pram to buy to what toys she needed. I began reading up on breastfeeding and very soon got the message “breast is best” and that a caring mother would choose nothing else but to feed their baby this way. Like everything in life, it is very easy to say what you are going to do before it actually happens. It is easy to watch a toddler having a tantrum in the supermarket and look at the mum and think it must be her fault, either too soft or not paying the child enough attention. But when we have toddlers and they chuck a tantrum will we be thinking the same thing?

However after I had read all the literature on feeding, spoken to friends who described it as “easy and attended antenatal classes I was determined to breast feed. It can’t be that hard? It’s natural, right? Cave women have been doing it for centuries and they did not have private lactation consultants?

Macy, my little girl was born on Sunday 23rd April 2006 at 4pm. I had a natural delivery, with only 6 hours of labor, so I felt very blessed. Macy was put straight onto my chest after birth and had her first breast feed within the hour. It seemed easy at the time to her latch her on, but I did not do it myself, it was the midwife who latched her on and got her sucking. I was taken down to the ward where Macy slept for the next 12 hours. I was told this was common for them to go into a deep hibernation due to fatigue after labor. I did try to wake her up to feed but she did not seem interested. The midwife said just to let her rest and she would eat when she was awake properly. At 4am they got me up and told me that she needed to feed. I had to strip her off to her nappy to wake her up, and then snuggle her next to my skin. I tried for about and hour to get her latched on but with no luck. A midwife came by and showed me again how to latch her on, so Macy was latched on and then had a good feed.

At 9am on the Monday it was time to try again, this time I got the midwife to come and watch me as I tried to latch her on. Again Macy did not want to open her mouth, so for about 30 minutes we tried. The midwife, with a hundred and one jobs to do, got frustrated and latched her on to me again. Macy then fed. Great for Macy, but I still did not know what to do. I was told at midday to try again.

Midday came and went with much of the same thing happening, with me trying and failing to latch her on, and the midwife doing it for me. At this point I was getting quite upset and I decided I wanted to go home. In hindsight probably not a good decision, but I had convinced me and my partner otherwise. The midwifes, though very supportive, all had their own way of breast feeding. Each time there was a shift change I would be given a different technique to use and it was driving me crazy. I never had time to practice the last position, then a new midwife would be there saying I had got my position all wrong and should be doing it this way. I was confused and upset and thought if I went home on early discharge and the same midwife visited me each day at least I would only have to learn one technique, not 25!

So we went home Monday evening when Macy was just 24 hours old and had had only a handful of feeds under our belt. Our midwife came at 1030 the next morning. Macy was sleeping so we did not wake her. The midwife had a quick look, said she looked well and that you should never wake a sleeping baby. As a new mum that’s all I needed to hear, I was obviously doing a good job. In hindsight I should have woken Macy up and asked the midwife to watch me latch Macy, but I did not. As a first time mum, I had no confidence. If someone had told me to try feed her standing on my head I would have given it a go. So there was no way I was going to insist on waking my baby and making her feed. “Never wake a sleeping baby”, isn’t that another mantra?

So 24 hours went by and I continued to struggle on my own. My milk came in and my breasts were massive. Macy’s little mouth struggled to get a hold of them. We would both persist for up to 2 hours each time, both of us giving up through pure exhaustion. At the time I thought Macy must have been getting something as we were there for 2 hours trying and the milk was gushing out. But again, in hindsight, the poor little thing just gave up trying as the milk just poured down the side of her cheek on to a towel.

By the next midwife’s visit the following day my partner and I were worried. Macy’s wee was bright orange and there were crystals in her nappy. We had read that this was a sign of dehydration. I was crying, blaming myself. My daughter was dehydrated because I could not feed her properly. As any mother knows it is a big responsibility, you are the only life line that you child has. If you can not feed her then who can?

Straight away she noticed that Macy was very jaundice, another sign of dehydration. The midwife explained that although it was not fatal it would need to be treated Macy did not get better. I explained that I did not think we were feeding properly. I then got Macy and tried to feed in front of her.

Rhonda, the midwife helped me latch on again, but this time did not do it for me, but talked me through what I was doing. I am lucky enough to have a supportive partner who watched at Rhonda guided me, making a mental note of what a good latch looked like. For me that was the hardest thing. I knew what it was suppose to look like, Macy mouth wide open in a “special k” sign. But how can you see that when you are feeding? Unless you remove your head and have a good look at your boob form all angles it is impossible to see much. Macy fed well and I felt better about having another go on my own.

The next feed me and my partner sat together and I tried to position Macy. It took a while, with my partner saying things like “up a little, down a little, move her head higher” very similar to hanging a picture! But eventually she seemed to be latched on and I could feel her draining some milk out.

However I feel very strongly about the next point. It did still hurt! Another famous saying “it doesn’t hurt if they are latched on properly” is not true in your first few weeks of breastfeeding. It hurts like hell for most women, and 90% of first mums I have spoken to say the same thing. Macy was latched on properly but because my nipples were grazed/ cracked from trying incorrectly for 2 days it was very painful.

I am the kind of person who likes to prepare and plan for things. The birth is a perfect example, it hurt but I knew it would. I was in the right frame of mind when the pain came and I had a strategy for dealing with it. I therefore coped well.

However no one told me about all the pain and anguish that comes with breast feeding for the first time. All I heard was what a beautiful thing it was and perfectly natural. I did not realize that it would be so hard. I do not think I am in the minority either, out of the 12 people who completed my class only one woman found breast feeding easy, all the rest have similar stories.

Breastfeeding, although a natural thing, it is still a skill both mum and baby learn. Imagine trying to learn to ride a bike with someone else steering and you pushing the pedals? Trying to coordinate a tired mum and 24 hour old baby is a tricky thing to manage and should not be under estimated. I feel that if people were more honest about how difficult it is then new mums would be more inclined to persevere. Instead I can understand why mum’s give up and think that they will never be able to breast feed their child. If everyone else finds it so easy and I find it so hard maybe I will never get it?

Given a choice between starving your newborn and feeding them formula, who wouldn’t give them a formula bottle?

Another thing which upset me was the comments you would here from other mums about women who formula fed their babies. They would assume that either they were lazy and could not be bothered trying, or that they were uneducated and did not understand the benefits that it would give their baby.

This again is wrong and I feel strongly that these women should not pass judgment on others. You do not know everyone’s stories or what they went through so you should not make such assumptions.

A new mum I know persisted to breast feed her baby for 5 weeks, her milk did not appear and her baby did not wee for 3 days. No one suggested that she should try formula because “breast is best”. Best for who? Her starving baby? Or the distraught & sleep derived mother?

Some women simply cannot breast feed and formula is the best option.

I was fortunate enough to get through the next 24 hours with Macy latching on properly. My partner and eye would feed her together, he would watch as I latched her on giving me pointers. The next day when Rhonda visited Macy’s jaundice was better and she had been pooing and weeing a lot. The worst was over but it still hurt for a few weeks until my nipples healed.

Macy is now 3 months and I have exclusively breast fed. Only now can I say that I truly love the experience. I do actually look forward to feeding her and feel a beautiful bond with her as I look down on her suckling. It was well worth the persevering but without the support and help I would have given up. I could not have let her dehydrate because I could not breastfeed her.

Breast feeding is natural but not easy. To all new mums I would suggest persisting but don’t beat yourself up if it does not work out they way you imagined. Welcome to the new world of motherhood where nothing is at all like you expect!!